Just too sad

The music of 'kiss the rain' is playing via my PC...non stop...

I was torturing myself while chatting with friends to get latest update of ACCA result...

I wanted to weep but my eye is dry and no tear available....Well, is just another failure i told myself. This is not the first time...why am i so sad....Friends are try to cheer me up in msn, yet despite my 'hahaha' reply, in my heart there is a wound the still bleeding...

Everytime I fail my exam, the first thing I remember is this blog. It was once the place i express my sadness over my failure in UTAR life. Well, I didn't know it was just the starting...

Last semester I attempted 3 paper been P2, P5 and P7....

I am very much confident on P7 while P5 is a bet of 70:30 while P2 is a gamble of luck....I was wishing for 3 paper passing in a row which seem very ambitious but in my inner heart, I was praying for at least 2 passes....

12noon I was chatting with by buddy who remind me about exam. 2 of us waited for the result patiently. He took the same 3 paper as I am....

Is 1pm..and the result suppose to out. I plan to see the result after my lunch break. However while waiting for my other colluague, the result notification prompt up on my email....

Who can resist from not opening the email...Am I right....Well, heart is pumping by 150 beat per minutes...I can feel the blood ooze up the brain, feeling wanted to die anytime...

Well, the first result i saw is P2 which was the paper i care the most...Well 46 was the mark and I know is a gone cass...I know there go my dream convocation. There go yet another portion of my exam fees and there go another portion of my FACE!

Then second mark I saw is 44 for P5....I almost fainted. Really, I don't even bother to see the next marks already. At that moment, I just feel wanted to cry but still need to maintain the manly cool look...Well, I company what!!

I scrolled down knowing that I will pass P7 or else I will just commit suicide. Well P7 i got 57...Good enough for a pass...

Now, what I can do is listen to 'Kiss the rain' and try not to think about it. It was too late anyway but I just need to arrange the next step. Shall I go to class? Shall I self studies? Shall I just give up....

I dunno...I dun even know whether shall I post this blog...It was too sad...

I remember the last time I weep is during PMR result. Since I am small, I always never perfect. I always less one A for a straight A record.....or I have less 1 marks to score a paper...Why? Am i such a loser? Am i such a dumb? or am i just unlucky...

I am very positive person but everytime the result out, I will be very negative for few days. I just dunno why....

and why is the sad song 'kiss the rain' is playing on my PC now...Well, I guess I just need to sleep and tomorrow will be another better day...

Yup...sleep....is the answer...